Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Fuck the mosquito mother backside

Wa lao eh, so many days never write liao. Now then got strength.

Last week Tuesday when I take taxi to go back my car, I also a bit scared, dunno whether got Hell Parking Ticket or not (if kena dunno is pay with Hell money or not).

When I walk to my car, park near the old tree, I saw my car whole body cover with so many bird shits (KNNBCCB!!!!!) and I also saw two paper on the glass (KNNBCCB again!!!!!). My hand shake and I take the two paper.

The first one say Henry Lim say my car very nice and he want to buy my car for good price, call his handphone now.

Cheebye! I thought is what! So I throw away.

Then I look at the second one, which look like a parking summon. I thinking Die! Must be the hungry ghost "parking auntie" give me one. Why like this? I never do anything to her or say her bad things, but she still put this kind of dirty thing on my car! Why?

The paper is fold, so I open it......

Chow CHEE BYE!!!!!!

Its be worse than I thought! It is REAL summon!

Must be I leave the car here over night and then the real parking auntie come back and give me summon!!!

I see the bird shits and I see the summon, I feel like very angry.

Very very angry. Angry until I feel very hot. Like got fever like this.

Whole body hot. Hot until skin also red colour.

Angry until got bad headache want to faint.

Angry until want to vomit.

Wah I never angry until like this before, I thought, how come so hot so red so tired? And how come suddenly everything look so blur?

Then Raymond call me and ask me I got go and get back my car or not, and I tell him yes got, and I also tell him I feel hot and my skin is red colour like kena sun burn like that. Then Raymond shout at me "Aiya cheebye lah! You got the deng gew fever lah! You kena bite by the Aids mosquito!"

I hear Aids mosquito I panic. Got such mosquito one? Is it a gay mosquito? (Gahmen always like to say Aids is the gay disease) And what is deng gew fever? Why get this fever must say deng gew?

At first I got the fever, I just bo hiew, still go to work, dowan to tio kan. But then by the afternoon, I cannot tahan liao, so I go to the hospital A and E to check in.

Nabei the hospital so fucking busy. A lot of people sick like this. I saw many Bangra worker also. Must be their cheebye employer never take care them, put them 20, 30 people inside one small room. One guy kena sick, all kena sick.

I wait and wait and wait. Gahmen say Singapore hospital is world class service very good. Even Lao Lee wife sick in England also fly back here see the Singapore hospital.

Good my backside lah. Must be because my name is RTT, not LKY, I have wait for 5 hours then they test me, then say I got dengue fever (stupid Raymond, bluff me say what Aids mosquito and what deng gew fever, I read the hospital brochure it is the cheebye Aedes mosquito and it is dengue fever lah).

Fuck the mosquito mother backside.

After I get the dengue fever, then the newspaper say Singapore got serious dengue problem. Cheebye now then tell me. If I know earlier, I sure spray the mosquito spray in my house a few more time, and then throw away all the dirty water.

Raymond say must be that day you saw the parking auntie ghost then thats why kena fever. I say lan cheow lah, dengue fever is cause by mosquito not by parking auntie. But just in case, I bath with the flower water and also tell Raymond help me wash my car with the flower water (and first use soap wash the nabei bird shits).

Must be that night I never bring my key back and have to sleep in the void deck then kena the cheebye mosquito bite me.

I already MC for 7 or 8 days liao, today then the fever stop, and I am a bit worried my job. Wait they find excuse make me like Ah Seng like this, no job.

This sialan company like to see people work late late, even though the fucker who stay back is wayang only (I heard Gahmen say wayang no need licence, hahahahaha!!!). And those people who is sick take MC they will fuck upside down. Cheebye no heart company. Bluff sick also fuck, real sick also fuck. Worker is not human one, worker is just robot to them.

I stay in the hospital a few days, in the no aircon ward. What to do, want to save money and use more Medisave (this Medisave money is the Gahmen keep for your coffin until you die one, if don't use then leave in CPF for fuck?). No aircon never mind, but wa lao eh, some of the missy nurse is quite ugly one. Maybe all the chio one is in the A star ward. We all C ward kena the fat ugly nurse, the lao auntie nurse and the most worse one, the man nurse. Nabei not like those XXX show the nurse is all sexy neh neh big big and always want to fuck the patient one.

Every time the man nurse come, I scared he will take me go and bath. My horse is only give girl to play one, not give man to bath one.

At night sometime got one fat ugly missy come to my bed to take my temperature.

When she take my blood for test, she will say wah your muscle very big hor?

She also help me to put the drip, and she laugh heeheehee when she say sorry I poke you ah?

And when I want to go the toilet to pang jio and I need help because of the drip, dunno why she is always the one come and help me pass urine. I see her already I sibei hard to pee.

I think she like me, because she talk to me a lot, and I see her eyes keep looking my horse there. I very scared, wait she rape me and I got the fever and no strength to push her away how? Then I will lao bak sai, like those Taiwan show virgin.

I read so many newspaper because stay in hospital got nothing to do (hospital cannot bring dirty magazine one or else the patient see neh neh cheebye already maybe will get heart attack and die cock stand hahahahaha!!!).

Last few day the newspaper got a lot of news about Small Lee and his National Day speech. Keep saying he cry because he remember 1968 the national day parade kena rain and nobody run away, means those Singaporean very strong and proud of our country.

Cheebye lah. a little bit of rain only call hero ah? Kena rain will melt ah? Fuck lah I do NS that time everyday rain also march in the parade square, how come no prime minister cry for me? Also who dare to run away from the fucking rain in last time NS? The Encik will sent you go DB fuck backside and kena charge. So we got fucking FLOOD also march, man.

And last time 1968 those people who watch the national day parade is those come very far to see the one year one time free show parade, so what is rain, man? And those marching soldier who will dare to run from the rain? The 1968 Encik is even more fierce than my NS time Encik, you dare to run from the rain? He cut off your lan cheow, man.

Last time 1968 cut your men lan cheow in NS is won't get charged one.

Last time 1968 cut your men lan cheow in NS maybe even get medal say you are the best Encik of the whole Singapore army.

And if the 1968 Encik don't cut your lan cheow for running in the rain, Lao Lee will cut your lan cheow for you, plus cut your Encik one too.

I also read got some people go and put 8 white paper elephant near Buangcock MRT station (the one they build already never open because Gahmen say not enough people live there, nabei not enough people live there then build for fuck?). They want to let the minister know they buay song. Singaporean nowadays so daring, dare to like this protest.

Wah, so if more than 4 people get together at CPF building is consider no licence protest, then 8 paper elephant is consider what? Maybe have to be 4 elephant then can call public nonsense?

Lucky when the minister come it never rain, or else the white paper elephants maybe will run away, then make PM cry again.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Went to Month of Hungry Ghost Festival auction

Last night, Ah Seng invited me to go for the Hungry Ghost auction. I long time never go for one already. He was there as helper. Better than having no job and nothing to do. He every year also got help do this thing anyway.

Computer Boy Lawrence (CB Lawrence hahaha!!) went to Batam with his friends for a fucking weekend. These few days he quite sian, so need to find some way to forget his problem. He told me his company a lot of his old friend left or kena retrench already, especially the Singaporean. Below him all the junior is now from India and on top of him, all the senior is ang moh. He said, I feel like a Singapore hamburger, kena fuck by overseas ah neh in the backside, and kena suck ang moh cock in front. Soon even me also will have no job, kena replace by cheaper PRC, KNNBCCB, he said.

So he said he at work already kena fuck, so might as well go and find girl to fuck on weekend. I hope he got bring his safety belt. Actually I already told Lawrence Seventh Month don't go oversea. Swimming and going oversea is not good idea during the Hungry Ghost month. Not say I pan tang, but better to don't try your luck. You see the Kallang river, every year swallow people. And I heard also got people die in Australia this year. Hungry Ghost month don't fucking play play.

I didn't know he so sian at work. I thought computer line quite ok one. But Lawrence said nowadays what fucking line also not good, except working as gahmen. Last time another good line was NKF charity line, but even that one also now not good job liao, and NKF not only kena whole world condemn them, but I heard now got CAD (the office worker police) play their backside.

Lawrence said he got two choice. Upgrade himself or do illegal pirate business. Go Malaysia get the computer cd cheap cheap, come here and sell. But he saw the three fella kena caught for pirating song so he a bit scared. Like the police don't have murderer or robber to catch, now very free catch the download song people. What the fuck man.

He want to migrate but he said a few of his friends go oversea, same problem, no job. There worse, here in Singapore the ang moh is king, there in other country the ang moh is king and citizen, and they not like Singapore, they give chance to their citizen first.

So I sit at my table with Raymond (I drive him here one), just watching the whole thing. The auction guy can really talk, man. Lai ah lai ah, $888 Fatt fatt fatt ah!!!

What thing also he can sell. The thing all look like cheap thing, but people still bid high high. Got gold got frog got charcoal. All is got good luck type. Cheebye man, if I got money I also buy, who don't need good luck in life, right?

But this year like quieter. People don't bid so high like last time. Not as many getai, auction or wayang. The cheebye president election wayang (dong dong chiang!!!) is not counted, ok, hahahaha!!!

Must be economy is like shit. I dunno how the gahmen can count the growth and say what 4% or 5%. The only thing I see growing is my lan cheow and the price of everything.

Where got 5%? Got!

GST is 5% lor, cheebye! You see the car COE you already know. Low until cannot low. And the Hungry Ghost festival getai and show is all smaller.

Raymond said to me, you know why this year got less auction? Because this year NKF not involve! They too busy let CAD play their kar chng hahaha!!!

Around the auction place is the HDB car park. Many of the car that is park there tonight is the people who come for the auction show one. I can see around 9pm onwards, got some car look like the driver live here one, trying to find their parking lot but all full house. Round and round cannot find. Must be damn toolan for them, pui chow nua. I also no choice, I park until quite far away, the car park is next to some grass land and a big old tree, and the street light not working, a bit dark dark.

A lot of us who park there never put coupon. Because Sunday free, no need to pay. After 10pm then is season parking only. Somemore later if the auntie come we can see and run to our car to drive away.

The place got a lot of smoke. Dunno is it because they burning the joss stick and hell money paper, or is it the Indonesia that side the fire send us the haze.

Nabei, every chow chee bye year the Indonesia side burn the tree, because it is cheap way of make the land good for farming. Every chow chee bye year the Indonesia gahmen act blur, because the Malaysia and Indonesia fucker businessman bribe them to act blur. In the end every chow chee bye year the whole KL and Singapore sky all kena this haze, make people sick, and make me cannot go KL to chiong. Fuck their mothercheebye for this chow chee bye burning. Should lock this dirty businessman inside one house and let them smell their own smoke until they die. Cheebye.

My table also got a few other people. One of them is a hawker, his name is Tua Tow, because his head very big. He say his name is David. I was thinking sound like that singer David Tao, but this one is David the Tua Tow hahahaha!!!

Tua Tow mother was a famous hawker.

We were complaining about how come thing in Singapore getting more and more expensive and harder and harder to survive.

I said to Tua Tow, eh, nowadays the hawker and coffee shop food also getting more expensive liao, cannot even find the $1.50 or $2 price anymore. Why liddat?

He said bo pian. Want to charge less also cannot. Last time my mother is the hawker, the market stall rental is less than $700 one month, Tua Tow said. Now the market kena upgrade to nice nice by Gahmen, the rental go up also. KNNCCB, he said, how to survive? My mother die that time, the Gahmen offer me because I am the son to take over the place, but the rental jump until $2000 plus almost $3000. I don't make the price of my food more expensive, I cannot continue do this line.

Tua Tow said, you just wait lor. Next time no more cheap market food liao. When all the old hawker die, the CCB gahmen will up the rent and your char kuay teow will not be $2 liao.

The auction show run until very late. 11pm still the fella shouting into the microphone $128! $388! $888!!!

Suddenly got one guy shout, Nabei! Auntie lai liao!!!!

This mean the parking auntie come and check, so we all get up and run like siao lang to our car to drive away before they can summon us and give us ang pow. Wa lao eh, the new parking aunties who is private company one now is so fucking on the ball, must be their commission is better.

The two parking auntie that come still is booking the cars in front, so I think good, haven't reach me yet. My baobei car is park inside quite far. But very funny, I walk like walk very long time and never reach my car. Dunno how come. I remember I walk from my car to the auction show that time, feels like only 3 minute. Now the parking auntie come, and I try to go my car, is like more than 15 minute walk.

After a long long time, I can see my car liao. Park next to the broken lamp post, at the grassland there. Cheebye! I saw one auntie standing there going to give me ticket. How I know they send so many auntie come and book people?

I don't understand how come, but this auntie the uniform is not the same as the auntie I saw just now. This auntie is like wearing old parking auntie uniform, not the new private company uniform one. I cannot see her face, maybe because quite dark and I standing a few cars away.

Then I also saw she not using those mini computer to print my ticket, but using the old paper and pen style. I didn't know they still using this kind of parking ticket leh.

I want to go and talk to her and ask to give chance one, but I think nowadays they don't give chance one, somemore she already write her ticket. Aiyah let her book lah. KNNBCCB. So I turn to walk back to join my friends.

When I walking away, I suddenly smell the franjeepenny flower smell and also like heard my name kena call. Rockson... Rockson...

I thought maybe is the wind or Ah Seng is calling me (but cannot be, is a woman voice leh). Anyway I walk back to the auction show. The walk also seem like long time, like 15 minutes like that. Walk walk walk. Like neverending.

When I reach back, Raymond saw me and said wah so fast come back ah?

I look at him and said No what, I go quite long what, dunno why the walk like so far. And somemore KNN kena orh gong by the parking auntie wearing the old uniform one and using old style paper summon.

Raymond look at me funny and said, you kena summon meh?

Ya! Fuck man, I said.

Raymond look at me funny again and said, cannot be what. The two auntie just now came until the first few car, then we all run out that time, they stand there a while, and then go away liao. The two of them never walk to your car that side, you know? So how can you kena summon?

Got kena! I said. Must be a third auntie her minah friend lah!

Raymond said eh, you must be seeing things lah. This car park only got one way in, and we all only saw two auntie come and then go, never go your side. Don't have third auntie lah! And where got auntie now use paper summon one!

I look at him, he look at me.

Want to take taxi? I ask him.

Ya, your car tomorrow morning then come and get lah, Raymond said.

I also say.

So we tell Ah Seng bye bye, and tell Tua Tow good luck his food stall business, and walk very fast to the main road to call taxi.

When I reach home that time, is already about 11.45pm. I walk past my neighbour house and heard their tv got Channel News Asia talking about Small Lee's National Day speech. Must be that time I was at the auction they show the speech one. Never mind, next few days sure got fucking repeat and repeat and repeat.

Then I reach my door.

Then I say KNNBCCB.

I left my house key inside my car.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Fuck man, no more President election holiday

This few day work damn busy. Pak chew cheng also no time, don't say blog. I so tired until I hold my horse pak half way and koon.

I still very toolan about the President election kena cancel. Fuck lah, Singapore is so hard to get one lan cheow holiday, but because only got one man kena the Certificate of Egibity to run for election, then he is become the automatic winner. No holiday liao KNN.

Of course our old president can get approve for the president COE lah. The Selecting President Society read his report card and see "Last job: President of Singapore, 6 Years", confirm to give him what!!!

Unless this old president employer come out and say, Nabei! last time hor, when he is president that time, we is his boss and cheebye lah, we already told him he fucked up and not performing the A star grade, so we give him chance. Then because we is kind boss, we give chance for one year, two year, three year, four year, five year, and even six year, in the end we give him the last final really really no give chance warning liao and say he must resign or else we very stress have to find some more chance to give.

But this never happen lah (Singapore president where got one more boss upstairs one?). So our president pass lor. Some more he do quite good job, so never kena complain.

But a lot of people still not happy, they say this is not election! This is call selection! We never fucking get to choose! We want to have four man protest!!! The Singapore people shout Cheebye and sibei toolan got no election!!!

In the newspaper, "Cheebye and sibei toolan got no election!!!" become write in English as "Yay Singaporean very the happy no need to choose president!!!". Maybe the newspaper hokkien not so good, never translate properly.

Last night Raymond tell me when we are drinking at the lounge, actually, Singapore president got elect by Singapore people what!

I said, cheebye lah where got?

Raymond said, Got! Three people elect lor. Hahahahahaha!!!!!

That fucker Raymond always make this kind of stupid joke.

Then Raymond said, You should thank the Gahmen, they call this three clever people to help you choose the president, so you don't have to use your brain, waste your energy go and vote. Then you can use your brain to choose what food you want to eat for lunch, what drink you want to drink in the pub, and what PRC mei mei you want to fuck in Geylang, no need to waste on choosing president. Hahahahaha!!!!

I want to throw my beer at his laughing cheebye face already and then he said, anyway, actually the President is really choose by us. Really.

I dowan to waste my beer, so I drink it and say why you say that?

Raymond said, See ah, ok, who choose the president one?

I said, Selecting President Society!

Then Raymond said, Who choose the Selecting President Society one?

I said, Gahmen lah, cheebye!

Then Raymond said, Who choose the Gahmen one?

I look at him and stone for a while.

Then Raymond laugh and said, Ahhhhhhh, we fuckers lor. So we elected the President lah! Hahahahaha!!!!

I want to punch his arm liao but I forgot because behind him got one chio bu walk pass, wearing the front low low top, low until can see two half of her goodies and almost see her stomach liao. People is V neck, she is U neck, hahahahahaha!!! See already my horse sedia. And I later go to toilet to pee also damn toolan, keep shooting the wall and the sky. We are like this, see goodies liao will steam damn fast and forget our angry even faster.

Actually talk about steam, Singapore becoming president standard is also very steam. Must be superman gahmen department boss for three years or $100 million company CEO. Wa lao eh, where to find?

Actually, I got know one guy Ah Heng who can pass the Selecting President Society exam. He is boss of a secret society (no number one, because real gang don't have number) and his gang make million billion dollars every year selling pirated DVD and pc program and as loanshark.

He also CEO, ok? And every year his gang make money, never lose. Our country CPF money let him look after he sure take it and make into golden egg for us.

But he wear singlet and slipper everywhere, so don't looks so high class. Also I think his whole body the tattoo everywhere is look a bit scary. Fuck man, his fingernail and eyelid also got tattoo. Somemore his temper no good and he always scold people lan cheow and fuck your mothercheebye and KNNBCCB.

If Ah Heng do the National Day parade, he have to wear long sleeve shirt to cover his tattoo or people will scared.

When the commander ask him Sir! Permission to start the parade sir!

President Ah Heng will sure say Pua Chee Bye! Don't be so blur fuck! KNN want to start the parade then start lah! Every cheebye thing also must ask me first ah! Limpei President Ah Heng is your mother issit?

But Ah Heng cannot be president one. He is $100 million dollar company CEO but he fail the last part of the exam. The exam say the president must have good character and got nobody fuck him.

Fuck lah, this kind of thing how to pass? Want to find your bad things very easy ok? Your cheebye mother in law say you useless fucker son in law can also consider not good character what.

I think we need to start a president school. Singapore country very small, so must start early find those got president standard kind of student.

Raymond and me will start a president school to teach you important things......
-how to kiss babies
-how to conduct national day parade
-how to do charity
-don't anyhow ask question about Singapore Gahmen money
-how to meet the president of other country (who also not standard enough to be our president)

I think when you compare, other country president is all no standard. Like USA one. Got one cowboy actor. Got one chee koh pek like to get blowjob by his own office girl. Got one stupid cowboy rich man son. All fucked up. Maybe that's why their pay less than our president.

I think I dowan to be president now, just be gahmen department boss or gahmen company boss can already. Every year can be fucked up but will get chance, and still get my big bonus and get report card say well done good job. As long as don't try to be president without gahmen permission, I no need to scared no job.

I can be CFO, Chief Fucking Officer! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Friday, August 12, 2005

12 commando police vs Fantastic Four

CCB I just spend two hours deleting my files.....

Today I tried to use my Singpass to go online check my CPF. Every year they keep send me a new password, I dunno which lan cheow password to use, so I keep trying and trying and trying, but cheebye cannot login. Remind me of that time I use Singpass for my tax like that. Also cannot work.

In the end, I got one Access Denied. I think this mean I kena fucked liao. The CPF computer don't like me and close their door.

Nabei so I lunchtime go to the CPF building in town, because Lawrence say this kind of thing must go there to settle. Sibei sian, because that side the lunch food not so nice, and the char bor not as chio as the Raffles Place side. Raffles the girls know how to dress skirt tight tight, top tight tight, a few less button. Very the sexy and like those office girl from overseas magazine. Too bad they think they very high class, like their cheebye is made of gold.

Heng not go until Tanjong Pagar, or else sure see even more kan see lang pai kua office girl one. And probably see a lot of office auntie.

I walk to the building around lunch and saw many people blocking the CPF building entrance. Like more than 100 people crowd around there, I think. I am thinking die lah, my lunch one hour only, like this how.

In Singapore when got so many people, is either someone die (and they need to get 4D number), or got sale, or got free thing.

But when I go there, is only four people, two man two woman, wear some white T-shirt, got words like NKF and HDB and CPF on it. They also holding some paper. Chay, I thought the two woman tng sar do strip tease or what!!

Then got someone in the crowd say, wah Singapore now also got protest, man.

Protest? These people crazy ah? Singapore want to protest must get licence one! Even want to be pros, or health centre massage girl, or president also must get license. Protest lagi have to! They don't look like got-licence protester leh.

Then I overheard got another uncle, he say he think he know why four people only.

I ask him, "Uncle, why four people ah? They cannot find enough people to protest issit?"

He said no, five people then consider no licence and against the law. Less than five only considered disturb people, is call public nonsense.

I am thinking, the gahmen like this sure toolan, wait they change the law to make it less than five people is also against the law. Maybe they might say, more than two people is also need licence now.

Like that die lah. You want to go Geylang to do three-way also consider illegal protest liao. You want to go pak tor, go dating also need two people but new law say cannot. So you can only go alone and pak chiu cheng. Hahahahaha!!!

Suddenly got a lot of police come. Not just normal police, but those riot one. Wear until look like going to war like this. They wear helmet, carry shield and big stick, and the leg all cover with pad (scared fall down issit?)

Wah, look damn fierce man. I see already I also scared. Because at first, I am thinking die, this police all come here is to catch me, because the CPF Singpass computer scan my PC see I got sex picture and movie. Especially the japanese type. I also dunno why Lawrence he download the japanese xxx, the jap girls is quite chio, but many no neh neh, and cannot see cheebye lan cheow one, all square squares. Sometimes when the jap girl suck cock, the square square got so many until her face also cannot see. Only can hear her noise. Like that also shiok.

Seelang Lawrence, always use my PC download this kind of fuck thing, see lah! Kena scan by Gahmen computer and the police send their Commando team come liao.

Somemore I scared because I remember in London they chase one fella and shoot him until die, thought he was the cheebye terrorist. In the end he is not a terrorist, just look like one. And London police never even say sorry, only say regret!!! KNNBCCB! Shoot wrong person still only say REGRET?!!! Lan cheow ok! The only person regret is that poor fucker who run, man. Regret he meet this kind of police!

Nabei!!! At least in London they regret. I think in Singapore if you kena shoot, police will not regret or say sorry. Maybe even get medal. Who call you stupid fucker carry big bag in MRT, see police liao go and run ah?

So I stand there. Dunno to fucking run or stone there. If I run, I scared they shoot me. If I stone there, I scared they come and catch me for Lawrence xxx files. That chow Lawrence, all his fucking fault!!!

Then I heard the police shout at the four people. Tell them to get lost or get caught by police. After second time kena tell by the commando police, the four of them go home.

So drama sia! Wah lao eh!! Why so many police come? Even send the commando police? Four people only! Make until Rockson scared think it was him. The normal police come can already lor, public nonsense only what. One police post mata come and tell them to fuck off should be enough.

The normal police not free have to send commando issit? Wah lan eh. They are Fantastic Four got powers issit? Heng ah, if got more people and carry weapons type, then comfirm the CID, army, navy and airforce also come. National Day over already, all this people free what.

By this time, I also sian dowan to check Singpass already. Another day then do, stomach also hungry. My day spoil by this people dunno protesting what fuck. Stomach more important so I go makan.

I also told myself better go back and delete those porn file. Wait really kena police knock down my door and send me to jail to kena fuck backside.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Go Marina South see fireworks

Saturday Lawrence ask me want to watch the free fireworks or not? Go Marina South and see, he said.

At first I didn't really feel like it but he said got free concert also by the singer Zhou Hua Jian. His English name is Emil, I think. What kind of cheebye name is Emil? Sound like "email", he like people to emil him issit? Why he don't choose better name like Rockson?

I told him wa lao eh, cheebye lah, that Email Chow is so kan see lang lao liao, this kind of last time star who want to see?

Then he said not only him but also got the 五月天 rock band perform. They are Taiwan group, English called May Day, is those rock one, not like those chow ah kua boy band like F4 (F stand for Fucked up issit?).

This May Day band I don't mind, because they sometimes sing Hokkien song. I hope they got sing the good Hokkien song like Chit Ba Ban, because that is what Singaporean like to hear, "One Million Dollar".

So I said ok and we go with Raymond and his friend Ah Seng. Actually Ah Seng is call Peter but we know him so long we always call him Ah Seng. He is oldest in our group I think. Ah Seng is jobless many months liao because his kuai lan company say he almost 40 years old and not useful anymore, so they use his salary to hire two 20 years old young punk. Cheebye this kind of thing also can.

When I go Marina South to eat and go bowling last time, I always drive because the place damn fucking ulu. Actually it is in town, but it is like the backside of the town, must drive one big round then can go there kind. I drive us until near there, but the road kena block! KNNBCCB!!!!

So Ah Seng said better park and take train. He laugh and say lucky I no job no money to buy car, never kena this kind of problem. He said "I no money even to buy a sex wife from Vietnam, don't say buy car, hahahahaha!!!"

So we take the train to Marina station and walk. Nabei, I eat until so big, this is my first time get out at the Marina station. Who the fuck take train go Marina one? Come out of the station is nothing, no shop, no house, just grass.

When we reach the station, a lot of people come out of the train at Marina. I think the Marina station those MRT worker also stress. Usually one day see one or two people at their station (and maybe some ghosts hahahaha!!!) but tonight KNN see so many people come and see fireworks and concert.

I not sure where is the place to see the fireworks, so I just follow the people. Got some people take the bus 400, but we saw so many people take the bus, so we decide to walk. CCB the walk really damn far, I walk until my ka chng down there also sweat, walk already got a wet wet feeling.

I tell Lawrence this firework better be worth it because we walk until so jialat. I saw many NS men in their No 4 uniform do traffic duty, I think they must be damn sian to be the National Day free worker. Every year National Day sure a lot of army boy kena do this kind of slave duty one. No wonder see their face so long. Not only kena duty, but see all the chio bu but cannot go out with them. Sibei sian.

After about 20 minutes I think, we reach the stage place together with many thousand of Singaporean who like to see free show.

When I walk on the field I sibei toolan because the concert grass land there got mud!!! KNN must be the last few days raining make the ground all wet and muddy one!! We walk that time cannot see properly where is the mud and where is the dry part, so our shoe all kena wet wet brown brown one....... CHEEBYE!!!!

I stand with the concert people near the stage because Lawrence want to hear the concert after the fireworks. We stand behind the metal bar and pack together like animal inside cage.

Wa lan eh. I never smell so many people sweat before. People squeeze together like the fucking sardine. Some even smell like sardine. And many of the girl also wear tank top and they sweat. Usually girl in tank top is very sexy to see but not that night.

The worse part is when the firework start, everybody ooh and ahh and got this girl just next to me, she stick out her hand and point at the firework in the sky.

Her armpit suddenly press next to my face and the smell from her armpit reach my nose. I almost peng san!!! I see the army boys i feel like shout MEDIC!!!

Then got another girl next to her, her friend I think, she also point up at the firework ooh and ahh. But this girl worse her armpit got hair!!!! Like this how to strike 4D!!!!!

I want to tell her move her hairy armpit away but the fireworks too loud she cannot hear me say excuse me can don't press your hairy cheebye armpit on my face or not. When I want to say excuse me, another firework boom in the sky.

So I give up and look at the sky and enjoy the free fireworks, and try to breathe through my mouth. Gahmen give us free show, of course must enjoy right? No job no money already, like Ah Seng, only got left the free things to enjoy, like the free fireworks, the free concert of Email Chow, a few unknown singers I never hear before, and 五月天. Not bad this Gahmen, Singapore 40 years birthday spend so much money. Maybe all this is try to make Singaporean happy a bit, forget their troubles.

Raymond the stupid fucker try to take photo of the fireworks with his lao ya handphone camera and complain cheebye why his photo all come out black black one.

After 10 to 20 minutes the fireworks finish and got some people clap. The sky no more bright colour and loud boom, but become dark again. The armpit girls also put their arm down liao. I can use my nose breathe again.

I turn and saw Ah Seng still looking at the night time sky macham still got fireworks and I said, "Oi, Seng ah, you looking at the empty sky for fuck? No more fireworks already."

Ah Seng did not look at me. His eyes still looking at the black black sky and then he said to me:

"All this free Gahmen fireworks is very nice to see but I wish I have a job."

His eyes now like looking far far away behind the sky.

"Then I can buy my own fireworks," he said "when it is my own 40 years birthday."

Friday, August 05, 2005

Nabei, Singapore so small want to find one President also cannot

They say that this August 27 got President Election. At first I am very happy because maybe that mean got public holiday. Then I check the calendar and KNNBCCB!!!! It is a fucking Saturday! Like that how to have cheebye holiday!!!

Actually also dunno whether will have a fight or not. At first the now President, his name is Nathan (it is the Indian pronounce way, Nar-den, not the Ang Moh style, Neh-ten), he say he want to retire liao. He is already 81 years old, and got a few health problem, so fuck lah, of course want to rest, right?

But then dunno so many MP, NTUC and gahmen people say no lah please don't retire, go for medical checkup and try to run for president again, so he now say he want to be president for another 6 years.

I am thinking, fuck man, Singapore got so little talent until cannot find another man to be President ah? Have to make one poor old Indian man who want to rest go and try and be president again? Lan cheow ok!

Why must like this? Singapore everything good only have One, is it? One man good enough to be president, one party good enough to be gahmen, one Lao Lee good enough to be a PM, then SM, then MM? Singapore don't have other good people meh? Maybe that's why the Singapore song is One People One Nation One Singapore. Everything is fucking ONE!!!

Maybe to become president the pass mark is too high. I heard must have some Certificate of Eligibity. Nabei! Be president also must have COE! Somemore the COE look like only the PAP kind of people can get type.

I heard got one guy running, is some JTC guy, also gahmen type. Lan pa pa lan.

I think it will be fun to see the Election during this month. Because this month is the Seven Month of the Hungry Ghost, and will got many Seven Month getai and wayang. Election is also a kind of wayang what!

Actually I think the Gahmen also want to see whether the Singaporean will vote this old President (OLD President, hahahahaha!!!!) to be the new President. Maybe see if the Singaporean is toolan the Gahmen or not. The NKF already make many Singaporean toolan and because the Gahmen Elections also coming, so must check check a bit.

I think Singaporean don't mind vote another president, if there is a choice. I think most people think president is cho bo lan one, so vote who also never mind. Don't halfway die can already.

But I think the president is not only cho bo lan. I heard he have to look after Gahmen money (which is actually OUR money, but the Gahmen always say is THEIR money). I know! Maybe can get that opposition party guy Chee! His name sound like bad word. If he is president, he can everyday ask the Gahmen "WHERE is the cheebye MONEY?!!!" but confirm won't kena sue! Hahahahaha!!!

I also don't mind if I can be president. Got big house at the Isetana. Outside got so many guard and police look after my house (and my president baobei car can park inside won't kena scratch, not like parking in the cheebye HDB carpark). Then next door my Isetana president house is Plaza Singapura shopping centre (last time Yaohan), and even got MRT. Outside is Orchard Road, got so many sexy chio bu to see. Good what!

But then cannot go and chiong as president, because too famous liao. Wait chiong already will become like that last time ah neh President, Devan Neh. He chiong too much in the end kena the Gahmen fry his cuttle fish.

Anyway too bad, I not smart enough, and cannot get the president COE. Car COE also got problem to get. But if they say lan cheow big can be president, I sure win one. But I think I cannot win in Election, only in Erection. I can be Rockson the Horse President! Hahahahahahaha!!!!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My first lup sup bar

The fucker Raymond just call say want to go lup sup bar again. The ones he choose never have nice looking girls one. Must be he find the cheap one. The geow fucker.

I remember the first one I went to in JB with my army buddies. We got long weekend so we happy like fuck can go out on Friday late late. The bar was somewhere near Taman Sentosa or something. Even Malaysia also got Sentosa. But their Sentosa don't have Merlion, the stupid vomiting lion fish.

When I reach the very dark lup sup bar, I kena push in by the bouncers who say come in, come in! our beer very cheap and we got mei nu. So I go inside, inside got a lot of curtains, turn here turn there, then come to one place got sofa and table and a tv. The Malaysia tv was showing Singapore show.

Finally the beer come, and I wait damn long, think maybe kena sabo, ba long long, then maybe will kena robbed.

Suddenly, got six or seven lau auntie come in wearing kimono and then sit between all the guys. They all laughing and giggle and try to act cute. Nabei Malaysia got Japanese mei nu who fucking believe?

And these old auntie also don't look like those Seiko or Akina kind of Japanese pop star girl. Look more like Seiko and Akina mother. Some even look like Seiko and Akina grandmother.

Then more worse thing happen.

The lau aunties take off their kimono and we can see their lau neh neh.


I nearly vomit out my beer man. Got some beer come out of my nose. The cheebye beer already taste like those add water kind (the bouncer say their beer cheap, now I know they mean the taste cheap). I see the auntie tng sar, I lagi feel like I want to report sick take MC from this bar.

I want to run away also cannot, because I shocked until frozen. My fingers grab the sofa cloth. Even my horse also shrink. But because it is so big, it also dunno where to hide.

The kan see lang pai kwa aunties put our hands on their neh neh, and serve us the beer-water and light our cigarettes and tap our ash. The whole time we no need to use our hands.

The lau aunties keep using our hands to rub their lau neh neh. I think they want us to feel sexy, but all I feel is their neh neh is a bit like the Chinese New Year orange leave too long outside the fridge kind of feeling.

So we finished the beer quickly, and we want to go already. The aunties ask us for xiao fei. Cheebye lah, this kind of fucked up standard also they dare to ask for tips.

But at this time the singapore $2 note just come out, and is red colour one. So we give them those. The lau aunties think it is the $10 note, so all very happy. Also it was a bit dark, and cannot see properly it is 2 not 10.

Only that bodoh Lawrence stupid, he really give $10 note and give more than one.

Outside the bar, he quite excited and asked us how much we spend on the tips. We said $4 each.

He said KNNBCCB!!! I gave them $40! Singapore dollar somemore!!!

The rest of the month he have to eat cookhouse, no money go canteen. Lawrence even last time also this kind of blur fuck. Dunno how he survive his NS man. Must be kena blanket a lot one, he this kind of blur sotong.

Now things so expensive, not like we army that time. No more cheap pooky.

$40 in Singapore nowadays can only buy two drink in a Singapore lup sup bar, I think. Just like our ministers, the lup sup bar girl salary also go up. And the girls nowadays in the lup sup bar more hiong, so I don't really like not go anymore. Got many overseas talent also. The bouncer sometimes say they have Eurasian girls, but is bluff people one, is actually Filipino auntie, and the Malaysia girls they say they have is really from China pei du mama.

Got two times I go with the cheebye chiongster Lawrence, one time in the lup sup bar, one time in the KTV. The same thing, the lau auntie make me touch her neneh, and plus she try to unzip my pants. Then she ask me why dowan.

I tell her, I want also my horse dowan.