Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I am Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan!!! You will kiss my Horse!!!


Today I decided that fucking hell, I will quit my job and become religion leader. Start a temple, start a church, maybe even start a cheebye kidney charity. I know! I will start a Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!

I didn't know that become a paster can make so much money! You just need to tell people god want you to become rich and they will give you all their hard earn money! Even after gahmen charge me in court, my believer will still think I am a holy man. This is a very strong power to have.

I will call myself Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World, Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I will be handsome and famous and look like Korean pop star like Rain or Big Bang!  My Horse will be Big Bang big, my skin will very smooth, and I will say very clever thing. Like: 

"I am Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! Hear me talk, you useless motherfucker! You must give all your money to my god who will give the money to me to use to do all his work! If you don't give me your cheebye money, you all will die and go to hell! HELL!!!! GO TO FUCKING HELL!!!"

"How I know you love the Rockson Tan god? By how much you give the fucking money! Give until you cry! Give until your kachng open a new hole! Give until your liver explode and your lancheow fall off! Yes all must give! Rich also must give! Poor also must give! You are the cleaner in the hawker centre making only fucking $800 a month? GIVE TO ROCKSON!!! ROCKSON WILL TELL GOD TO MAKE YOU FUCKING CHEEBYE RICH!"

"What? Why I am driving Jaguar and have 19 other luxury car? Why I am live in big private house? Why I am must fly First Fucking Class go to other country? Because I am your fucking religion leader and god choose me to do his work! You think be a Angel of Heaven is very easy, is it? Have to look after so many thousand of you and still fly to other country! Kanena it is a hard life ok?

If you work hard and keep give Rockson's god your money so he can give me the money to do his work, one day you also can drive big car. live big house and fly first class! If you die in this life before you get all this fucking money, don't worry, you can still be rich!!! IN HEAVEN!!!"

"If after all your giving, you are not rich, and you are still poor, and you are still a fucking road sweeper, then it is because you did not give enough to Rockson's god! This is your fucking punishment! You ngeow fucker is obviously not love Rockson's god enough! Because if you really love him, you will give more money! Be poor is no fucking excuse!!!"

"Like this then he can bless you with much more money later! Look at me! I was poor fucker last time, now god is love me and reward me all this money when I listen to him and open this Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!!!"

"Some of you fuckers already kena bless by Rockson's god by joining me, right? Insurance agent, property agent, even fucking MLM agent, got so many customer from my Kidney Temple of Church, right? You all cheebye bin, I should get commission from all of you agents, man! Hahahahahahaha!!!"

"Who is this woman? She is the new singer I want to promote! She is fucking good singer! Her name is Tai Yang Xiao Jie! She is from China and fucking chio! I met her in the Club 38DD Big Melon Pub and Karaoke last week! She sing in the karaoke very well! You should see her use the microphone! Don't worry, my believers! She will help us to promote our religion! I only need a few million dollar to make her fucking famous! Then she is famous already she can tell all the No Religion people who listen to those take drugs kind of techno music to come to our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!"

"What? Are we using your hard earn money to promote her music career? FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND? I am your Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! You dare to question me? Of course I never use your money to promote Tai Yang Xiao Jie! I use my own fucking money ok? Just believe me can already. I am Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World. I can do no wrong. Rockson's god won't allow me to make mistake one."

"Of course we must put her in a big house in USA! She must look like a big star, like she got golden cheebye! The rent is only $30,000 a month! And now US dollar is so low, it is like a fucking discount! Remember what we need her to do! Become a international pop star so she can sell our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to USA also! Who will believe a pop star is staying in a fucking HDB flat in USA, right?"

"You see how many people watch her Youtube video already? Million and million! Chow chee pong! My followers! You must support her and click her Youtube a few times a day, ok?"

Her Tai Yang CD sell faster than Top Geylang Cheebye! But don't worried! We still got one million CD in the Kidney Temple of Church store room! And we only spend $30 million dollar so far! You think we spend all this money is kam lan?"

"Already got famous black rappist sing with her in her music video! Our religion sure grow in USA! Who don't like black rappist sing techno with Chinese girl, right? The chow angmoh is all love black horse and Chinese sexy Ah Lian one!!! They see her already sure pak chiu cheng one!"

"Ok! Remember next week is our Give Until You Feel Like Vomiting Week. We need a new church building because our building is no space already, and we need to buy Orchard Ion. Maybe Wisma Atria next door. I want to convert Wisma Atria become my next house because it is good for me to live near the new church building. Orchard Ion downstairs is MRT, so more believer can come to Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to learn how to be successful. Don't worry, the gahmen won't mind one."

"If after we finish building our new Rockson Kidney Temple of Church, we have some leftover money, we can give some to charity. We are a fucking religion and we must do some good thing, right? Pua cheebye, it's quite late already. I still have to go home watch UEFA Euro 2012. Let us pray."

That will be my speech as Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I think can work. But Lawrence tell me I sure go jail one. Fuck the bo chee Lawrence, always spoil my plan. If I don't be a religion leader, maybe I can be online Or Gui Tao. Both also make money by helping people get fuck. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

84 comments:

Anonymous said...

welcome back

Anonymous said...

Rockson, you are a poet.

shampoogurl said...

Well said, in true Rockson style! Welcome back!!!

Anonymous said...

I have to admit this post was really funny, but I think you went a bit too far with your vulgarities.

Anonymous said...

"I have to admit this post was really funny, but I think you went a bit too far with your vulgarities."

Obviously, you are new here. Have you read his earliest stuff?

Vivien said...

I dun wanna kiss your horse leh! Can I kiss Rebecca Lim's pussy?

tsk tsk said...

Seriously, if this piece of "right in your face" writing does not wake up all the blur sotongs who can't seem to recognise a charlatan when they see one, then heaven help them... really!

Anonymous said...

Euro not today leh.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, boss!

Visakan V said...

You are my fucking hero, bro.

Anonymous said...

Clawback Wyclef Jean's paycheck

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! U da man! U are funny...

TK said...

Too crude with vulgarities? You Virgin har? CHC har?

Anonymous said...

Amg Mo Hokkien A* wan sia donch play play.

Why you never talk about the young prostitute one? For awhile i tot you also involve hahaha

Anonymous said...

fucking awesome

shiroiluke said...

Fucking Good

Padaly said...

God love you! You are fucking good! Amen!

Anonymous said...

O GAWD. This is FUCKNG BRILLIANT.

Anonymous said...

Solid lah bro! Lets go lunch!

Anonymous said...

Fucking hilarious, but every ounce holds truth! So good to hear from Rockson again! Please keep your posts coming!

Anonymous said...

Where have you been? Driking "kopi"?

Anonymous said...

u are a fucking genius

Anonymous said...

This is damn freaking hilarious lah! Bravo!!!! U r damn good lah!!!
Laugh until I Lao bak Sai!

Anonymous said...

fucking awesome rockson. u are my one and only god.

Anonymous said...

Fucking solid! Fuck sun Ho and kong hee. Assholes using gods name!!!

Anonymous said...

You are one fucking awesome hilarious genius, man!!

Anonymous said...

Ahh one year no see you...you've been scrapping the trash lookin for food ya? This happen and you back...you hope you can take a glimpse of stars and dreaming of being rich huh? Hahaha. Keep dreamin...Cheers!

strawblade said...

Straits Times mentioned you and your blog.

Anonymous said...

KNNBCCB RESPECT! my sentiments EXACTLY!!

Anonymous said...

So famous TRE just copy and paste your blog post. No need to come here anymore.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back man! Don't go missing again ok! Please!

Anonymous said...

You chau disappearing act bossman! You know I wait so so so long den u publish this, must wait for 2016 election den show up ah? barbi puki u! muahahaha welcome back lah golden horse! missed u man, thought u kenna kidnap from ISA crooks :D

Anonymous said...

You chau disappearing act bossman! You know I wait so so so long den u publish this, must wait for 2016 election den show up ah? barbi puki u! muahahaha welcome back lah golden horse! missed u man, thought u kenna kidnap from ISA crooks :D

Anonymous said...

You forget to mention that if you draw garbage work like Naruto the shit, Suckers all around the world will make you rich

Anonymous said...

Chee bye, these blur sotongs give so much money, got conned by kong Hee Fatt Choy and they still support him and pray for him! Nah beh, wonder what magic he use to con all these sheeple.

Anonymous said...

cheebye nowadays ur blog post is like once a year machiam like national day speech sia.... let ur followers wait long long... damn satki... haha.

Rena said...

Sia lah laugh until cant stop LOL

the TOMASOA Family said...

Ha... This piece of writing Earns 1 Point of Crossover Project Trust Funds.

Took two years to realize the potentials of the Crossover Project...

Anonymous said...

I've enjoyed your blog but ur fan comments Thumbs UP... LMAO

Mr Huat said...

Hahaha great post!
Welcome back!
Huat ah!

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! pse don't go MIA leh.. We need your words of wisdom :) Great piece as usual. Enjoyed reading it totally. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Rockson, can you pay back with interest too? Or are you too poor? Or not capable enough? pay interest on 50 Mill.....

http://www.todayonline.com/Singapore/EDC120628-0000166/City-Harvest-Church-responds-to-allegations

Anonymous said...

You are the best.... Welcum back!!!!

Anonymous said...

Rockson - take so long to write and still standard drop liao. you anyhow cho cant hide its not so funny anymore.

just like TV series, later seasons cant match first few seasons :)

Dereth said...

Lin Lao Hiah!

Everytime only damn big dai ji then you finally show your horse?

Anyway, welcome back again lah!

Anonymous said...

Rockson, you from RI or not? If not from RI, cannot be rich religious leader. You don't know meh? Rip-off Institution.

Act Virgin said...

Eeee, why you so chor lor one. CB here, KNN there and F everywhere. I no money how? I offer my everything and maybe throw in a few more of my jiemei can? We don't know if we can be as good as your Tai Yang Xiao Jie but some nice Ah Peks pay for our rent because they say we hold microphone also very good? I don't know la, never hold a microphone before leh? Can or not?
But then hor, can you don't F everywhere? We don't like. We only want make love, not war. F no good. Make love ok?

Rocktheboat said...

You go and setup your temple or church or mosque. I'll be your first member to be bless by your fucking GOD.

Anonymous said...

knnbccb!!!!! where are you for so long????!! you know how many people die because you stopped blogging ah?

faster open your church I wanna worship your horse!!!!!!!!!11

DaMeiRen said...

OMG Rockson! I was your fan like 5 years back! So glad to have found u again!!!

Anonymous said...

hahaha, cant stop laughing. Like give and give, like buying toto, 4D, casino betting lidat!!!

Anonymous said...

Hmm...makes sense

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, u r very funny. Made me laugh non-stop in the MRT.

raymond said...

The blog owner is Ang Moh meh?

Anonymous said...

Second read, still laugh until peng!

kam bear lan king said...

Rockson, you ROCK!!! You are the Chris Rock of Singapore!!!

Anonymous said...

Absolute genius - you make my sides split even after 3 times reading this! Don't disappear again hor!!!

Anonymous said...

So where to sign up for your reallygion ah???

hdken said...

write about sun ho's music video lei. china wine and mr bill.

sÞ¡ηηєє said...

i can't believe u r still blogging 偶像!!!

Anonymous said...

Idol, u are finally back again! Don't go MIA again liao hor. I been your strong support since the NKF saga. We need heros like u to shake off the Papies!

Anonymous said...

Hey horse basher, your post is like a comet in the sky. once in a blue lagoon, but it each time, it roxs gao gao.

Anonymous said...

Rockson! We need you again for the scandals currently going on! Time to leave your bat-cave!

Anonymous said...

Awesome!

Anonymous said...

laugh till tears come out

Anonymous said...

Every year singapore also got election! 2011,2012,2013! Don't need to wait till 2016 to vote again! HUAT AH

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir/Madam,

On behalf of the National Library Board (NLB), we would like to invite you to pledge your blog to the Singapore Memory Project as part of efforts to collect memories that are already manifested in existing online channels.

The Singapore Memory Project (SMP) is a national initiative to collect, preserve and provide access to Singapore’s knowledge materials. Spearheaded by NLB, the SMP aims to build a national collection of content in diverse formats (including print, audio and video), to preserve them in digital form, and make them available for discovery and research.

By pledging your blog to SMP, you are affirming that every memory matters. Whether your posts are an account of your daily life, or an expression of your thoughts, the SMP hopes to find a home for your memories so that it can help build towards an understanding of Singapore. You will also receive a badge that you can display on your blog in recognition of your contributions.

Contributors to this blog pledging initiative will be listed on Singapore Memory portal’s blog pledging webpage. All blogs pledged to SMP will archived using NLB’s web harvesting software, in addition to images of each blog’s landing page.

If you are keen to pledge your blog to SMP, simply fill up our response form at this following URL: http://singaporememory.simulation.com.sg/Public/Pledge.

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Anonymous said...

Is the comments by you, Rockson?

http://www.discuss.com.sg/showthread.php/602-I-lost-my-virginity-to-NUS-law-prof-Tey-Tsun-Hang-Darinne-Ko-Wen-Hui

Anonymous said...

Seow eh, xia jueh tumpok la. Kanineh. Tan jin koo.

Anonymous said...

Rockson, Sg is falling apart after BE in Punggol East. Can you stand up and say something for us???? Dont keep quiet liao leh! We need your voice!

Jawed Ali said...

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Anonymous said...

More photo here for hong lim park

http://www.discuss.com.sg/showthread.php/873-Next-White-Paper-protest-set-for-May-1-organiser/page3

Anonymous said...

Almost time for your yearly update. A post on the haze in stinkapore would be great.

Anonymous said...

Come back lah Rockson.

The Internet misses your horse.

- D

Anonymous said...

Rock, pls talk rock soonest. We all waiting your Che Bye articles!

Anonymous said...

You are an absolute rockstar Rockson!

Anonymous said...

A S
W H
E I
S T
O !
M !
E !

Shannon Quek said...

All you so called Dickson fans here are either demented, gays, anti Christians or simply gone mad.

As I am typing this, I am laughing so hard I have to write a BLOG POST now about all you Dickson fans. And face it, this blog just like all of you ARE CRAP BULLSHIT.

Signing off,
www.MrStyleKing.com

Shannon Quek said...

All you so called Dickson fans here are either demented, gays, anti Christians or simply gone mad.

As I am typing this, I am laughing so hard I have to write a BLOG POST now about all you Dickson fans. And face it, this blog just like all of you ARE CRAP BULLSHIT.

Signing off,
www.MrStyleKing.com

MSK

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