Today I decided that fucking hell, I will quit my job and become religion leader. Start a temple, start a church, maybe even start a cheebye kidney charity. I know! I will start a Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!
I didn't know that become a paster can make so much money! You just need to tell people god want you to become rich and they will give you all their hard earn money! Even after gahmen charge me in court, my believer will still think I am a holy man. This is a very strong power to have.
I will call myself Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World, Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I will be handsome and famous and look like Korean pop star like Rain or Big Bang! My Horse will be Big Bang big, my skin will very smooth, and I will say very clever thing. Like:
"I am Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! Hear me talk, you useless motherfucker! You must give all your money to my god who will give the money to me to use to do all his work! If you don't give me your cheebye money, you all will die and go to hell! HELL!!!! GO TO FUCKING HELL!!!"
"How I know you love the Rockson Tan god? By how much you give the fucking money! Give until you cry! Give until your kachng open a new hole! Give until your liver explode and your lancheow fall off! Yes all must give! Rich also must give! Poor also must give! You are the cleaner in the hawker centre making only fucking $800 a month? GIVE TO ROCKSON!!! ROCKSON WILL TELL GOD TO MAKE YOU FUCKING CHEEBYE RICH!"
"What? Why I am driving Jaguar and have 19 other luxury car? Why I am live in big private house? Why I am must fly First Fucking Class go to other country? Because I am your fucking religion leader and god choose me to do his work! You think be a Angel of Heaven is very easy, is it? Have to look after so many thousand of you and still fly to other country! Kanena it is a hard life ok?
If you work hard and keep give Rockson's god your money so he can give me the money to do his work, one day you also can drive big car. live big house and fly first class! If you die in this life before you get all this fucking money, don't worry, you can still be rich!!! IN HEAVEN!!!"
"If after all your giving, you are not rich, and you are still poor, and you are still a fucking road sweeper, then it is because you did not give enough to Rockson's god! This is your fucking punishment! You ngeow fucker is obviously not love Rockson's god enough! Because if you really love him, you will give more money! Be poor is no fucking excuse!!!"
"Like this then he can bless you with much more money later! Look at me! I was poor fucker last time, now god is love me and reward me all this money when I listen to him and open this Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!!!"
"Some of you fuckers already kena bless by Rockson's god by joining me, right? Insurance agent, property agent, even fucking MLM agent, got so many customer from my Kidney Temple of Church, right? You all cheebye bin, I should get commission from all of you agents, man! Hahahahahahaha!!!"
"Who is this woman? She is the new singer I want to promote! She is fucking good singer! Her name is Tai Yang Xiao Jie! She is from China and fucking chio! I met her in the Club 38DD Big Melon Pub and Karaoke last week! She sing in the karaoke very well! You should see her use the microphone! Don't worry, my believers! She will help us to promote our religion! I only need a few million dollar to make her fucking famous! Then she is famous already she can tell all the No Religion people who listen to those take drugs kind of techno music to come to our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!"
"What? Are we using your hard earn money to promote her music career? FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND? I am your Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! You dare to question me? Of course I never use your money to promote Tai Yang Xiao Jie! I use my own fucking money ok? Just believe me can already. I am Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World. I can do no wrong. Rockson's god won't allow me to make mistake one."
"Of course we must put her in a big house in USA! She must look like a big star, like she got golden cheebye! The rent is only $30,000 a month! And now US dollar is so low, it is like a fucking discount! Remember what we need her to do! Become a international pop star so she can sell our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to USA also! Who will believe a pop star is staying in a fucking HDB flat in USA, right?"
"You see how many people watch her Youtube video already? Million and million! Chow chee pong! My followers! You must support her and click her Youtube a few times a day, ok?"
Her Tai Yang CD sell faster than Top Geylang Cheebye! But don't worried! We still got one million CD in the Kidney Temple of Church store room! And we only spend $30 million dollar so far! You think we spend all this money is kam lan?"
"Already got famous black rappist sing with her in her music video! Our religion sure grow in USA! Who don't like black rappist sing techno with Chinese girl, right? The chow angmoh is all love black horse and Chinese sexy Ah Lian one!!! They see her already sure pak chiu cheng one!"
"Ok! Remember next week is our Give Until You Feel Like Vomiting Week. We need a new church building because our building is no space already, and we need to buy Orchard Ion. Maybe Wisma Atria next door. I want to convert Wisma Atria become my next house because it is good for me to live near the new church building. Orchard Ion downstairs is MRT, so more believer can come to Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to learn how to be successful. Don't worry, the gahmen won't mind one."
"If after we finish building our new Rockson Kidney Temple of Church, we have some leftover money, we can give some to charity. We are a fucking religion and we must do some good thing, right? Pua cheebye, it's quite late already. I still have to go home watch UEFA Euro 2012. Let us pray."
That will be my speech as Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I think can work. But Lawrence tell me I sure go jail one. Fuck the bo chee Lawrence, always spoil my plan. If I don't be a religion leader, maybe I can be online Or Gui Tao. Both also make money by helping people get fuck. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!