Today I decided that fucking hell, I will quit my job and become religion leader. Start a temple, start a church, maybe even start a cheebye kidney charity. I know! I will start a Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!
I didn't know that become a paster can make so much money! You just need to tell people god want you to become rich and they will give you all their hard earn money! Even after gahmen charge me in court, my believer will still think I am a holy man. This is a very strong power to have.
I will call myself Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World, Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I will be handsome and famous and look like Korean pop star like Rain or Big Bang! My Horse will be Big Bang big, my skin will very smooth, and I will say very clever thing. Like:
"I am Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! Hear me talk, you useless motherfucker! You must give all your money to my god who will give the money to me to use to do all his work! If you don't give me your cheebye money, you all will die and go to hell! HELL!!!! GO TO FUCKING HELL!!!"
"How I know you love the Rockson Tan god? By how much you give the fucking money! Give until you cry! Give until your kachng open a new hole! Give until your liver explode and your lancheow fall off! Yes all must give! Rich also must give! Poor also must give! You are the cleaner in the hawker centre making only fucking $800 a month? GIVE TO ROCKSON!!! ROCKSON WILL TELL GOD TO MAKE YOU FUCKING CHEEBYE RICH!"
"What? Why I am driving Jaguar and have 19 other luxury car? Why I am live in big private house? Why I am must fly First Fucking Class go to other country? Because I am your fucking religion leader and god choose me to do his work! You think be a Angel of Heaven is very easy, is it? Have to look after so many thousand of you and still fly to other country! Kanena it is a hard life ok?
If you work hard and keep give Rockson's god your money so he can give me the money to do his work, one day you also can drive big car. live big house and fly first class! If you die in this life before you get all this fucking money, don't worry, you can still be rich!!! IN HEAVEN!!!"
"If after all your giving, you are not rich, and you are still poor, and you are still a fucking road sweeper, then it is because you did not give enough to Rockson's god! This is your fucking punishment! You ngeow fucker is obviously not love Rockson's god enough! Because if you really love him, you will give more money! Be poor is no fucking excuse!!!"
"Like this then he can bless you with much more money later! Look at me! I was poor fucker last time, now god is love me and reward me all this money when I listen to him and open this Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!!!"
"Some of you fuckers already kena bless by Rockson's god by joining me, right? Insurance agent, property agent, even fucking MLM agent, got so many customer from my Kidney Temple of Church, right? You all cheebye bin, I should get commission from all of you agents, man! Hahahahahahaha!!!"
"Who is this woman? She is the new singer I want to promote! She is fucking good singer! Her name is Tai Yang Xiao Jie! She is from China and fucking chio! I met her in the Club 38DD Big Melon Pub and Karaoke last week! She sing in the karaoke very well! You should see her use the microphone! Don't worry, my believers! She will help us to promote our religion! I only need a few million dollar to make her fucking famous! Then she is famous already she can tell all the No Religion people who listen to those take drugs kind of techno music to come to our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church!"
"What? Are we using your hard earn money to promote her music career? FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND? I am your Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan! You dare to question me? Of course I never use your money to promote Tai Yang Xiao Jie! I use my own fucking money ok? Just believe me can already. I am Senior Holy Priest of All the God in the World. I can do no wrong. Rockson's god won't allow me to make mistake one."
"Of course we must put her in a big house in USA! She must look like a big star, like she got golden cheebye! The rent is only $30,000 a month! And now US dollar is so low, it is like a fucking discount! Remember what we need her to do! Become a international pop star so she can sell our Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to USA also! Who will believe a pop star is staying in a fucking HDB flat in USA, right?"
"You see how many people watch her Youtube video already? Million and million! Chow chee pong! My followers! You must support her and click her Youtube a few times a day, ok?"
Her Tai Yang CD sell faster than Top Geylang Cheebye! But don't worried! We still got one million CD in the Kidney Temple of Church store room! And we only spend $30 million dollar so far! You think we spend all this money is kam lan?"
"Already got famous black rappist sing with her in her music video! Our religion sure grow in USA! Who don't like black rappist sing techno with Chinese girl, right? The chow angmoh is all love black horse and Chinese sexy Ah Lian one!!! They see her already sure pak chiu cheng one!"
"Ok! Remember next week is our Give Until You Feel Like Vomiting Week. We need a new church building because our building is no space already, and we need to buy Orchard Ion. Maybe Wisma Atria next door. I want to convert Wisma Atria become my next house because it is good for me to live near the new church building. Orchard Ion downstairs is MRT, so more believer can come to Rockson Kidney Temple of Church to learn how to be successful. Don't worry, the gahmen won't mind one."
"If after we finish building our new Rockson Kidney Temple of Church, we have some leftover money, we can give some to charity. We are a fucking religion and we must do some good thing, right? Pua cheebye, it's quite late already. I still have to go home watch UEFA Euro 2012. Let us pray."
That will be my speech as Angel of Heaven Rockson Takumi Tan. I think can work. But Lawrence tell me I sure go jail one. Fuck the bo chee Lawrence, always spoil my plan. If I don't be a religion leader, maybe I can be online Or Gui Tao. Both also make money by helping people get fuck. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
welcome back
ReplyDeleteRockson, you are a poet.
ReplyDeleteWell said, in true Rockson style! Welcome back!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit this post was really funny, but I think you went a bit too far with your vulgarities.
ReplyDelete"I have to admit this post was really funny, but I think you went a bit too far with your vulgarities."
ReplyDeleteObviously, you are new here. Have you read his earliest stuff?
I dun wanna kiss your horse leh! Can I kiss Rebecca Lim's pussy?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, if this piece of "right in your face" writing does not wake up all the blur sotongs who can't seem to recognise a charlatan when they see one, then heaven help them... really!
ReplyDeleteEuro not today leh.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, boss!
ReplyDeleteYou are my fucking hero, bro.
ReplyDeleteClawback Wyclef Jean's paycheck
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! U da man! U are funny...
ReplyDeleteToo crude with vulgarities? You Virgin har? CHC har?
ReplyDeleteAmg Mo Hokkien A* wan sia donch play play.
ReplyDeleteWhy you never talk about the young prostitute one? For awhile i tot you also involve hahaha
fucking awesome
ReplyDeleteFucking Good
ReplyDeleteGod love you! You are fucking good! Amen!
ReplyDeleteO GAWD. This is FUCKNG BRILLIANT.
ReplyDeleteSolid lah bro! Lets go lunch!
ReplyDeleteFucking hilarious, but every ounce holds truth! So good to hear from Rockson again! Please keep your posts coming!
ReplyDeleteWhere have you been? Driking "kopi"?
ReplyDeleteu are a fucking genius
ReplyDeleteThis is damn freaking hilarious lah! Bravo!!!! U r damn good lah!!!
ReplyDeleteLaugh until I Lao bak Sai!
fucking awesome rockson. u are my one and only god.
ReplyDeleteFucking solid! Fuck sun Ho and kong hee. Assholes using gods name!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are one fucking awesome hilarious genius, man!!
ReplyDeleteAhh one year no see you...you've been scrapping the trash lookin for food ya? This happen and you back...you hope you can take a glimpse of stars and dreaming of being rich huh? Hahaha. Keep dreamin...Cheers!
ReplyDeleteStraits Times mentioned you and your blog.
ReplyDeleteKNNBCCB RESPECT! my sentiments EXACTLY!!
ReplyDeleteSo famous TRE just copy and paste your blog post. No need to come here anymore.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back man! Don't go missing again ok! Please!
ReplyDeleteYou chau disappearing act bossman! You know I wait so so so long den u publish this, must wait for 2016 election den show up ah? barbi puki u! muahahaha welcome back lah golden horse! missed u man, thought u kenna kidnap from ISA crooks :D
ReplyDeleteYou chau disappearing act bossman! You know I wait so so so long den u publish this, must wait for 2016 election den show up ah? barbi puki u! muahahaha welcome back lah golden horse! missed u man, thought u kenna kidnap from ISA crooks :D
ReplyDeleteYou forget to mention that if you draw garbage work like Naruto the shit, Suckers all around the world will make you rich
ReplyDeleteChee bye, these blur sotongs give so much money, got conned by kong Hee Fatt Choy and they still support him and pray for him! Nah beh, wonder what magic he use to con all these sheeple.
ReplyDeletecheebye nowadays ur blog post is like once a year machiam like national day speech sia.... let ur followers wait long long... damn satki... haha.
ReplyDeleteSia lah laugh until cant stop LOL
ReplyDeleteHa... This piece of writing Earns 1 Point of Crossover Project Trust Funds.
ReplyDeleteTook two years to realize the potentials of the Crossover Project...
I've enjoyed your blog but ur fan comments Thumbs UP... LMAO
ReplyDeleteHahaha great post!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
Huat ah!
Welcome back! pse don't go MIA leh.. We need your words of wisdom :) Great piece as usual. Enjoyed reading it totally. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteRockson, can you pay back with interest too? Or are you too poor? Or not capable enough? pay interest on 50 Mill.....
ReplyDeletehttp://www.todayonline.com/Singapore/EDC120628-0000166/City-Harvest-Church-responds-to-allegations
You are the best.... Welcum back!!!!
ReplyDeleteRockson - take so long to write and still standard drop liao. you anyhow cho cant hide its not so funny anymore.
ReplyDeletejust like TV series, later seasons cant match first few seasons :)
Lin Lao Hiah!
ReplyDeleteEverytime only damn big dai ji then you finally show your horse?
Anyway, welcome back again lah!
Rockson, you from RI or not? If not from RI, cannot be rich religious leader. You don't know meh? Rip-off Institution.
ReplyDeleteEeee, why you so chor lor one. CB here, KNN there and F everywhere. I no money how? I offer my everything and maybe throw in a few more of my jiemei can? We don't know if we can be as good as your Tai Yang Xiao Jie but some nice Ah Peks pay for our rent because they say we hold microphone also very good? I don't know la, never hold a microphone before leh? Can or not?
ReplyDeleteBut then hor, can you don't F everywhere? We don't like. We only want make love, not war. F no good. Make love ok?
You go and setup your temple or church or mosque. I'll be your first member to be bless by your fucking GOD.
ReplyDeleteknnbccb!!!!! where are you for so long????!! you know how many people die because you stopped blogging ah?
ReplyDeletefaster open your church I wanna worship your horse!!!!!!!!!11
OMG Rockson! I was your fan like 5 years back! So glad to have found u again!!!
ReplyDeletehahaha, cant stop laughing. Like give and give, like buying toto, 4D, casino betting lidat!!!
ReplyDeleteHmm...makes sense
ReplyDeleteHahaha, u r very funny. Made me laugh non-stop in the MRT.
ReplyDeleteThe blog owner is Ang Moh meh?
ReplyDeleteSecond read, still laugh until peng!
ReplyDeleteRockson, you ROCK!!! You are the Chris Rock of Singapore!!!
ReplyDeleteAbsolute genius - you make my sides split even after 3 times reading this! Don't disappear again hor!!!
ReplyDeleteSo where to sign up for your reallygion ah???
ReplyDeletewrite about sun ho's music video lei. china wine and mr bill.
ReplyDeletei can't believe u r still blogging 偶像!!!
ReplyDeleteIdol, u are finally back again! Don't go MIA again liao hor. I been your strong support since the NKF saga. We need heros like u to shake off the Papies!
ReplyDeleteHey horse basher, your post is like a comet in the sky. once in a blue lagoon, but it each time, it roxs gao gao.
ReplyDeleteRockson! We need you again for the scandals currently going on! Time to leave your bat-cave!
ReplyDeletelaugh till tears come out
ReplyDeleteEvery year singapore also got election! 2011,2012,2013! Don't need to wait till 2016 to vote again! HUAT AH
ReplyDeleteVery funny lol lol lol pls read my honest and unbiased review on Forex Striker FOREX STRIKER REVIEW Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIs the comments by you, Rockson?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.discuss.com.sg/showthread.php/602-I-lost-my-virginity-to-NUS-law-prof-Tey-Tsun-Hang-Darinne-Ko-Wen-Hui
Seow eh, xia jueh tumpok la. Kanineh. Tan jin koo.
ReplyDeleteRockson, Sg is falling apart after BE in Punggol East. Can you stand up and say something for us???? Dont keep quiet liao leh! We need your voice!
ReplyDeleteMore photo here for hong lim park
ReplyDeletehttp://www.discuss.com.sg/showthread.php/873-Next-White-Paper-protest-set-for-May-1-organiser/page3
Almost time for your yearly update. A post on the haze in stinkapore would be great.
ReplyDeleteCome back lah Rockson.
ReplyDeleteThe Internet misses your horse.
- D
Rock, pls talk rock soonest. We all waiting your Che Bye articles!
ReplyDeleteYou are an absolute rockstar Rockson!
ReplyDeleteA S
ReplyDeleteW H
E I
S T
O !
M !
E !
All you so called Dickson fans here are either demented, gays, anti Christians or simply gone mad.
ReplyDeleteAs I am typing this, I am laughing so hard I have to write a BLOG POST now about all you Dickson fans. And face it, this blog just like all of you ARE CRAP BULLSHIT.
Signing off,
www.MrStyleKing.com
All you so called Dickson fans here are either demented, gays, anti Christians or simply gone mad.
ReplyDeleteAs I am typing this, I am laughing so hard I have to write a BLOG POST now about all you Dickson fans. And face it, this blog just like all of you ARE CRAP BULLSHIT.
Signing off,
www.MrStyleKing.com
MSK
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